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| Tulip field about a 3-minute walk from my apartment |
It must be Spring Break for most of America right now because I have not seen it so crowded since I moved here in mid-September.
I can spot the families on Spring Break pretty easily because they have quite a few things in common.
- School-aged children in the middle of the day
- Hats, t-shirts, or jackets with NYC on them
- Looking up at buildings
- Taking pictures of said buildings
- Not making eye-contact with those who pass by. (Okay, who am I kidding? New Yorkers don't do that either.)
But I have to say the number one thing I have noticed about these families is the parents. They all pretty much do the same thing.
FATHERS
The dads in the family are almost always at the front of the pack. They are leading the way as the family tries to navigate around other pedestrians. Walking on sidewalks is akin to driving on a highway. We have lanes and everyone is expected to maintain a minimum speed. The fathers create a path for the family to follow.
Fathers also seem to be the "holder of stuff." They have more bags in their hands than the others, and also are usually the one carrying the valuables, cameras, bags, etc. What is it about dads that make them such good pack horses?
As soon as a family gets on the subway, the dad looks for the subway map, figures out which stop they need to exit, and informs the rest of the family which stop is theirs. I have seen this repeated many times. Most New Yorkers just know to lean to one side if they are sitting in front of the subway map without having to be asked.
MOTHERS
Mothers tend to walk either behind or beside the children. I've noticed that they like to have all of their kids in view. Depending on the age of the kids, they may even hold their hands. I think the best image I can relate it to is a mother hen gathering her chickens.
When the family gets on the subway, I see the mother do a quick check to make sure all the kids made it onto the subway. Then they look for a place for their kids to sit or stand. I can tell they don't want their kids to sit next to someone who looks questionable. (Fortunately, very few people are like that on the subway, most are tired commuters or other tourists.)
As I have observed this pattern repeated among different family sizes, ages, races, and nationalities, it has caused me to wonder. Why? Why does every family behave the same way in New York City no matter where they are from? How did all these fathers and mothers learn to act like this?
The LDS Church published a document called the Family Proclamation in 1995. You can read the full text here.
In it we read,
"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."
Family Proclamation to World, emphasis added
What I observe on the streets in New York City isn't all the different than what we see in families everywhere. Fathers work hard to clear the dangers and obstacles for their families and make sure the family is going in the right direction and doesn't get lost. Mothers are looking out for their children and making sure they are cared for.
Of course not every family is exactly what I just described, but as I see this description in the Family Proclamation repeated over and over, it tells me that a father's and a mother's role is by divine design.
This divine pattern was established long ago with our first parents, Adam and Eve.
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The reason why we are here is because of the choices they made in the Garden of Eden. They brought about what is known as the Fall and made it possible for us to live here on earth. We learn that while their roles may have been different, they definitely worked together.
Adam began to till the earth, and to have dominion over all the beasts of the field, and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow, as I the Lord had commanded him. And Eve, also, his wife, did labor with him. ~ Moses 5:1 [emphasis added]
Almost 24 years ago, a certain Englishman and I assumed the roles of father and mother. As our kids came quickly within a six and a half year period, we didn't really have much time to think about how we wanted to fill that role, we were too busy just doing it.
But as I look back on almost a quarter of a century of parenting, I realize that I am primarily the nurturer and my husband is the protector. Not to say that I don't ever provide or protect, or that he never nurtures, but we each have been what I call the "chief worrier" in our respective roles. It was just our instinct to take that on.
Now Satan, who finally realized that he had been participatory in bringing about the Plan of Salvation, in my opinion, never forgave Eve. Since that time it seems like he has launched an attack on females for millennia. One of his strategies is to minimize the role women play here on earth. And one way to do that is by demeaning the role of nurturer. We see it happening in Hollywood, politics, and society. For some reason being considered a nurturer isn't as "strong" or as "important" as being a protector.
However.
When a family is on vacation in the bustling city of New York City, what the world thinks about gender roles suddenly doesn't matter any more. I submit that divine instincts kick in and they do what needs to be done to provide for their children. Whether it's removing obstacles and finding the right path, or expressing love and care and making sure the children feel safe, they both are acting like our first parents, Adam and Eve. It's quite moving to see that in action while sitting on the E train headed uptown.
I am grateful that the Plan of Salvation allows us to live as families here on earth. We can learn more about our Heavenly Parents by caring for some of Their children. Whether it is to our siblings, children, nieces and nephews, or any of God's children, we all have an opportunity to be a protector or a nurturer, even outside of New York City.
Now Satan, who finally realized that he had been participatory in bringing about the Plan of Salvation, in my opinion, never forgave Eve. Since that time it seems like he has launched an attack on females for millennia. One of his strategies is to minimize the role women play here on earth. And one way to do that is by demeaning the role of nurturer. We see it happening in Hollywood, politics, and society. For some reason being considered a nurturer isn't as "strong" or as "important" as being a protector.
However.
When a family is on vacation in the bustling city of New York City, what the world thinks about gender roles suddenly doesn't matter any more. I submit that divine instincts kick in and they do what needs to be done to provide for their children. Whether it's removing obstacles and finding the right path, or expressing love and care and making sure the children feel safe, they both are acting like our first parents, Adam and Eve. It's quite moving to see that in action while sitting on the E train headed uptown.
I am grateful that the Plan of Salvation allows us to live as families here on earth. We can learn more about our Heavenly Parents by caring for some of Their children. Whether it is to our siblings, children, nieces and nephews, or any of God's children, we all have an opportunity to be a protector or a nurturer, even outside of New York City.
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